The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Interesting
15:07 Oct 21 2005
Times Read: 716




Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.



Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.



Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.



Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.



Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.



Now it gets really weird.



Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.



Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.



Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.



John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.



Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.



Now hang on to your seat.



Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'

Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'



Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.





Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.



And here's the kicker...



A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Breasts and Willies
21:46 Oct 04 2005
Times Read: 734

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?



The father, surprised, answers "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.



In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears. Still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty they are like onions."



"Onions?"



"Yes, see them and they make you cry!"



This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said... "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"



The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.



In a man's twenties his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties it is like a Christmas tree."



"A Christmas tree?"



"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!